Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My dick has a subreddit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
