My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
