I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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