i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
