two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize