I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize