He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He did a backflip because drugs
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
