people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
