Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sarcasm needs its own font
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
