shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
