sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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