I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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