it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
