He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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