Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
