Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
