4 words: hood of his car
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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