id be glad to
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
God, you're like boner-b-gone
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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