That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
