i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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