he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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