Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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