Kiss
Puke
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
