My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
