Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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