And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
