roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
