Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize