summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize