I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
