U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
