whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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