I wish life had little blips of pornography
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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