I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
