Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
