I think my vagina is haunted
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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