The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
