it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
