dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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