Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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