It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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