I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
