...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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