She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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