Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
