So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
