She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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