LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
