Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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