so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
