I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
