If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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