Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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