Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
