I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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