Im at strip club and am horny
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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