I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
