My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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