That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
