Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found puke in my bra..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
