Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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