My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
