it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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