I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize