Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's always time for handjobs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
