I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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