so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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